Little Boys Will Be... Gentle Young Men

     This month has been full of... well full! You kids started back to school and so did I. Brie is in grade 5, Leighton is in grade 3, and you started 1st grade. We have known that change is difficult for you but man have you overcome so much. We are noticing more and more that you struggle to follow directions in order to complete a task but it isn't on purpose. Your little head is so full of so many things, you can't keep focused. Who could blame you? Your little world has changed so much and I see your face when you're trying to keep up. It isn't easy. I want you to know I see you. I know that.
     Full disclosure. This month was hard on all of us for many reasons. It probably was hard not hearing from mommy for a few weeks It was probably hard having grandma come back to the house, not because she makes things hard, but because for so many years, she was your safe place. It is hard to remember that you have a new safe place and grandma is just grandma now. It was hard getting a new teacher when your old teacher was just getting you figured out. It was probably hard going into a classroom that didn't have all of your friends in it. It has been hard to not see your friends out your front door anymore. This month has been full.
    This month has shown us some regression in the progress that we thought we were making. You are doing less and less on your own, needing many reminders at school, and arguing (sometimes hitting) more and more with the girls. It's okay though. We've got a plan! I have started talking to your teacher about a behavior chart, some checklists, and some visual cues for you to stay on task. I know it is not your learning that is the problem, you are so smart! Your report cards always have the highest marks! We just have to get your head able to focus on your work or task. You'll get there. I have also made some cards for home so that we do not only verbally give you a direction, but you'll have a card now to read that will help you remember what you're supposed to be doing. Finally, I have asked the doctors to evaluate you for A.D.D. and we are scheduled to do that next month. The way I see it is, if we can find a way to help you, I will do it.
     Buddy, I am so proud of you. I love your little arms being wrapped around me. Your silly dances. The way you call the girls your sisters. Your heart is huge. We just love you so much and on those really rough days, I try to make sure you know that no matter what, you are loved beyond measure. This job is tough whether you came out of my body or not. Being a parent is not more difficult because you are not truly mine or more difficult because I didn't raise you from birth. Parenting is hard. All kids struggle and have their time that they need a little more attention. No worries. Uncle Robert and I will ride it out with you and be here when your hard time is done for now. We will love you and kiss you and hold your hand through the next hard time that comes as well. We love you Carter. You are worth it. One day when you are a fine young man, I will look back on these days and miss all of your mischievous ways.
   

This is Six!

Happy 6th Birthday Baby Boy!

Wow! This has been a busy year for you little man. I have to say that you have come through it with such resiliency and strength. Your fifth year started with a big move to North Carolina to start school as a kindergartner. During your fifth year you have: 

road on a boat

road a bike

ate steak, chicken nuggets, rice, corn, grilled chicken, quesadillas, salsa, avocado, broccoli, 

went to the zoo

rode a scooter

dress yourself

learned to read

sleep in your own bed every night

learned to swim

rode a train

took your first flight to NY

had your first sleepover with a friend

learned to use your words when you're angry

decided you want to go to NC State University

played soccer

learned who Michael Jordan was ;) 

gained two sisters... man isn't that a pain! 

went to your first baseball game

got your first crush for your first babysitter

scored perfect scores on your report card

went to your first real parade

jumped in the deep end of the pool

made a special handshake with uncle Robert

you called us "home"

I am so proud of all that you are learning each and every day. I am excited for your future. I see all that you are accomplishing day to day, such as unloading the dishwasher without hesitation, or taking care of your plate and I am in awe. You are so brave and welcoming of your new world. You have adapted to your new life so much better that I ever thought possible. I am sure that in years to come,  you will have questions. We will have tough conversations. I will be there for those. I will answer honestly and with a gentle voice. I will tell you how much you were loved to make this happen. However, for now, you are just my special boy that I am lucky enough to love and protect each day. I am grateful to your mom and dad for loving you enough to allow you to live a life you deserve. I love watching you throw on your helmet and go flying down the driveway when on the first day, you were hesitant to even take your foot off the ground. You have found your strength in yourself. You have started to trust yourself and know that you have the power to be and do what you want to do. I am so happy that I was able to share your fifth year with you. You are so special and so loved.

During your sixth year, you will go to First Grade. You will join the swim team. You will go to Disney World for the first time! You will spend days on the beach playing in the sun and ocean. These things I know for sure. During this year I wish for you to find your voice, trust that your words are as powerful as you make them. I wish for you to find true friendship that you can trust. I wish for you to dream big. You want to play basketball this year, I wish for you to smile big and wide when you make your first shot. I want to take you to your first professional baseball game- Go Braves! I want to give you the world, and year five was just the beginning. 

 I wish happiness, health, and joy for you. I am thankful to watch you grow for another year. I love you buddy, you're my special boy! 

Love, Aunt Shannon 

Oh, Boy!

When people say that there is something special about little boys, they are not lying! I was blessed with two daughters. It was exactly what I wanted. I never saw myself as a "boy" mom and eagerly embraced the bows, tutus, and glam that came with my little girls. I enjoyed watching them bloom from tutus to high-tops and sports jerseys. I never imagined there being any difference between boys and girls. I even used to look at my "boy mom" friends and wonder why their kids were so "crazy" all of the time. I totally judged (sorry girls!)

Well, I was wrong. There are real differences, stuff we can't control (and if you are one of those people that believe all girls and boys are equal and you're judging me; know I am one of those too. However, I am also a realist and after teaching for 13 years and now as a mom, let me tell you, there is a difference).  Before Carter came to stay with us, the whole family spent weeks designing and setting up his room, just as you would if you were bringing home a baby from a hospital. His room was perfection. I loved everything about it and I was so proud to show it to him. His room was brand new. New bed, new toys, new clothes, new posters, everything! The day Carter showed up, he walked in his room and was just as amazed as I hoped he would be. And then it happened... he climbed up to the top of the loft bed and... jumped off! Can you believe it? Neither of my girls ever climbed out of their crib. Neither of my girls had ever jumped off of their bed. Okay, minor thing right? So we moved on. Then slowly but surely he was climbing up the side of our staircase. You guessed it, neither of my girls had ever thought to do that either (side note: apparently I have some reserved girls but still... we were in a different ballpark). I blew it off as exploring. All kids do that! One month into his stay with him we gifted him a Vivofit Jr watch, just like the girls had. Since that day we have had to replace the band, not once, not twice, but four times! This kid is going through them like underwear regardless of what bribe him with. Boys... they are different! They climb on everything. They go where you tell them not to.  They ruin shoes in two days flat. They toe the line and every once in awhile step over it to see what will happen. I swear their ears don't work sometimes. They deconstruct all toys. They are incredible. The amount of exploration and challenge in their little minds is amazing.

The great part of Carter is the fact that he sees the world with not only his eyes but with his hands, feet, arms, knees, butt, and head. He explores it all and thinks second. My type A personality has learned to love that. It has also pushed my girls to think outside of the box. Both of my girls have traditionally been funny, creative, intelligent children. They are both well mannered and mostly follow directions or expectations. I have noticed them using materials for unusual purposes more often than before. They are climbing, exploring, getting dirty, playing with trains, and even challenging us a little more these days. I guess this all comes with exploring the new of having a little brother in the house. There are a lot of days full of chaos, arguing, running, tattling, laughing, and sometimes crying. We are all exploring this new world that involves this sweet little boy.

Want to know the best part of a little boy? Their hugs. Now, a hug from any child is so sweet and loving but there is something special about little boy fingers and arms. The way they climb into your lap and rub their head into your neck and squeeze you... it is one of life's little treasures. When I see him do his secret handshake with Robert, I see his little face light up with excitement. These are the moments I treasure. The morning smile. The rush to hug me goodbye. The run down the stairs when I get home. All of these moments have been multiplied and made that much more full.

Maybe boys are not all that different from girls. Maybe both boys and girls explore, touch, and break things. But this little boy sure is different to me. He is special. Everything he does is special and amazing and world-conquering. I am in amazement by him and I am so in love with our little boy and all of his wonder.

To New Beginnings

My goal with the picture above was to do family pictures so that there were pictures of the five of us hanging in our house. I wanted Carter to know he belonged here. We also had Christmas cards that needed to be sent out and I thought this would be a great way to introduce our new family to the many people that may not know that we had expanded. The pictures turned out epic but in the background I was yelling "smile!" and "stop!" and we even had Carter's front tooth knocked out. I smoothed that over by asking them to not knock it all the way out so there was no blood in our pictures, (totally normal right?!) It was freezing out and we were all in a rush to get them over with. As we drove away from our pictures we were all laughing about how cold it was and mentioned that there was no way that any of the pictures would be worth it.
We were officially a family. The kids were bickering. Robert and I were taking turns yelling at the kids to smile or put their hand a particular way. At no time were we acting as if there was this new little guy in our family and it was anything special. I loved that. I loved that it didn't feel different than any of our other family photos. It was exciting to me that we had made it through our first big family event in one piece... dysfunctional, but together!
We have went from Fall to Spring and I have yet to print these pictures for our home. I feel hesitant and I am not sure why. It has been going great. My sister and I have a better relationship than ever before. She has thanked me numerous times for helping Carter. She has told me that she is thankful for the life he has. She is dealing with her own life right now and that is exactly what is best for everyone. However, I am waiting for the shoe to drop. I am waiting for something to change. Some days it feels like I am holding my breath. I am holding my breath hoping that the morning routine went okay with all of the kids and my husband, or that I do not get a call from school that day that Carter hit someone (more on that on another day), or that he didn't get in trouble on the bus, or that his placement may change. I imagine this is how many parents who have taken in a child they have not raised from the beginning feel. The fear of the unknown is what keeps me up at night some times. I also feel this unbearable burden to tell EVERYONE what Carter has made it though. All that he has overcome. All that he is the product of. All that he deals with daily to try and adapt to his new life. At five years old, this little boy is doing more in one day to be "normal" than most people. At the same time I am battling with wanting to explain his story to everyone, I also want it to be a secret. I want him treated like every other kid in his class and amongst his friends, hell, even our friends! I want his story to be his. I do not plan on telling his story in this blog. That is not my place. I plan to love him, support him, cry with him, laugh with him, encourage him, and always, always, always let him know that so many people loved him enough to play a part in him having the chance at life that he deserves.


Photo by MeLisa Williams Photography